Take It Out On Me
by Roadglide08
Summary: Holli is in a committed relationship, but when things go bad she goes running to Juice. Will Juice ever be able to tell her how he really feels? Will Holli ever break off her relationship? *not a great summary, just read please and let me know what you think.*
1. Chapter 1

Take It Out On Me.

(Juice's POV)

I never knew when to expect her. I was her "safe haven" as she liked to say. It started out as a platonic friendship. She helped the club out a couple times move some drugs when Tara ran out of connections. She went to school with Jax and Opie, was as close to the guys in the club as a girl could be without being an old lady. Crow eater or sweetbutt. Holli was a Charming girl born and bred.

We hit it off right away and if Tara hadn't warned me that she was "off-limits" I would've tried to push up on her sooner. She had a live in boyfriend, I learned they had been on and off since high school and, according to Jax, the guy is a real douchebag.

"Shit" I cussed at the screen. I just got shot at.

The loud pounding on the door startled me from my round of Call of Duty. I pressed paused and looked at the clock, 11:47. I knew immediately who it was by the urgency of the knock, I didn't even have to check the peep hole. When she showed up this late I knew he must have really pissed her off.

I opened the door to see her mascara smudged, her nose and eyes red and her lips a little swollen and dry. Her long, dark auburn hair was in a messy bunch on top of her head. She looked at me with her tear filled eyes and all I could do was hold my arms out for her.

She stepped inside and wrapped her arms around my waist. I hated seeing her like this, but I couldn't help but relish the feeling of her wrapped around me. It was something that I wished didn't have to happen only in secret.

(Holli's POV)

"Matt, just stop! I didn't do anything wrong! I don't know why you have to start shit with me over this." I couldn't stand arguing with him, but it was all we ever did anymore. Our relationship was toxic but it was something that I just couldn't seem to get away from permanently, no matter how hard I tried.

Matt hated that I was still friends with Jax and Opie. He hated even more that I helped out SAMCRO when they needed something. He never got along with them in school, they were definitely from two different crowds. Jax and Opie have always been SAMCRO. It was in their blood. Matt was part of the "in" crowd. He was the jock, he excelled at sports, school and almost everything he did.

I was sort of in the middle. I was a cheerleader and a pretty decent student. Jax, Opie and I had a few classes together and somehow just hit it off. I was friendly with Tara before her and Jax hooked up and we all just became friends.

I started dating Matt in 11th grade. He showed some interest after a football game one Friday night and the rest is history. We had been on and off since then and last year decided to move in together in hopes it would help our relationship. But all it has been doing is killing it and my soul a little more each day.

"I've told you before, I don't want you hanging around those scumbags. It's not a good image for you, Holli and frankly it's not giving you the best reputation around town. I don't like that people talk about you being a sweet ass or whatever those losers call it."

"I don't give a shit what people think. And I'm sick of having this same fight with you every day. If you don't like it you can just get the fuck out." I screamed at him. I was so sick of this shit day in and day out. He tried to be my keeper, telling me who I could be friends with and not.

He pounced on me, faster then I was able to get away from him. He grabbed my wrists and pinned me against the wall. "I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but you should know better not to talk to me like that." The look in his eye scared me. He had never hit me, not yet anyways. But after each argument he came closer and closer to it.

He let me go and went back to his place on the couch with his beer. I knew if I left now he would just keep calling my phone looking for me. So I waited until he went to bed to make my escape.

(Juice's POV)

I led her over the couch and sat next to her. I felt like I was starring in "Groundhog Day". The déjà vu was almost sickening. Almost every night for the past month she had shown up at my door.

It started a little less then a year ago. She showed up one night and told me she wasn't sure where else to go. If she went to Jax or Opie she knew they would just make the situation worse. And she knew coming to my house no one would know where she was.

I didn't mind, in fact I wanted to help her out. But once we started to take our friendship to the next level I wasn't sure what to make of it. I cared about Holli and I hated seeing her be treated like trash by that piece of shit.

"What'd he do this time?" I looked her up and down checking for any marks. I spotted the bruises on her wrists before she had a chance to answer me.

"Is he starting to hit you, Hol? I swear to God.." she cut me off

"He just grabbed my wrists. It was the same old shit, Juice. He doesn't want me hanging out with the club, says it's ruining his reputation."

"Why do you do this to yourself? This isn't normal, Holli."

I wanted her. I wanted to be more then just her late night visit, but I couldn't spring that on her.

"You know the deal, Juice. It's just something that's hard to just walk away from."

I shook my head and before I could answer her I felt her lips on mine. Her hands ran up my arms and I could already feel the goose bumps forming on my skin. The effect her fingertips had on my skin was incredible.

As badly as I wanted to stop her, to tell her we couldn't do this anymore because it was getting too hard to detach it from the reality of the situation, I couldn't find it in me to push her away. The fact that she came to me for comfort mixed with the feeling of her soft skin pushed against mind made it too difficult.

I felt her tongue run along my bottom lip, silently begging for entrance and I granted it. Her hands were working fast to unbuckle my belt but not before tugging at the hem of my shirt.

Our lips separate long enough for her to pull my shirt over my head and repeat the motion on her. Just before she crashed down on me my eyes caught sight of her purple wrists. I had to find a way to convince her to get out of that relationship, not just for my sake, but before she got hurt.

(Holli's POV)

I knew it was wrong. I knew every single time it happened that it was wrong. I couldn't help myself. I was not only attracted to Juice but he made me feel safe, something Matt did not.

I also knew I was no better than Matt by running away every time and cheating on him. The first time it happened it wasn't planned. I showed up at his house because I wasn't sure where else I could go. I knew Jax and Opie would only make the situation worse by going after Matt. Juice and I had become friendly and I just showed up there one night.

It started out by me just telling him what happened. He would sling one arm around me and just listen, something I really needed. I've never stayed more then a few hours, I didn't want Matt to come looking for me even though I knew he would never think to look at Juice's house. He didn't even know Juice, only recognized him as a member of the club, and he automatically hated him.

The next few times became a bit more physical. I kissed him first. I just couldn't help myself. The way he made me feel when I was with him was a feeling that was totally gone from my relationship with Matt.

I don't know why I stay with Matt. I could never answer that question when asked by Juice, or anyone for that matter. I think it was fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of Matt's rage. I wasn't sure what he would do if I ended things.

Juice's rough hands on my breasts rattled me from my thoughts. I knew it was wrong, I was no better then the crow eaters at the clubhouse, but it always felt so right.


	2. Chapter 2

*Thank you for the reads, favs and reviews! I hope everyone likes this so far. It's kind of A/U but somewhat along the timeline of Season 4, after the guys have done their stint in prison and went to Belfast. It won't really follow the actual story line but there will be some references as to what happens in the show. Hope you guys enjoy, please review and let me know what you think. It helps me know whether to continue on or not.*

(Holli's POV)

"God, Juice!" Just as I hit my peak and called out for him I felt him stiffen and heard a low grunt. I knew he had reached his too.

He collapsed on top of me. We never made it off of the couch, in fact I don't think I have ever even stepped foot in his bedroom. We both caught our breath, almost breathing in sync. I felt his eyes on me.

"Everything ok?" I questioned as he rolled off of me.

He just nodded and stood up, taking off for the bathroom to clean himself up.

It wasn't his fault, but after every time and no matter how much I wanted it, I felt cheap. Like a late night booty call. I knew it was my choice to come here, to do this. He never pressured me in any way, he actually stopped me the first time.

Juice never made me feel that way. It was my own subconscious letting me know that I was no good. But, it never stopped me from showing up here.

(Juice's POV)

I glanced at myself in the mirror. I wanted to tell her that she needed to be with me, but I knew that I couldn't do that. Even if she did break up with Matt, she would need some time. She couldn't just jump into another relationship and I didn't want to force her.

But, I wasn't sure how much more of this I could take. It was starting to become a regular occurrence. I loved what we did, feeling her body against mine writhing in sweat, but that was all she ever did was take out her frustration, anger and hurt on me.

I told her from the beginning I was here for her, that she could take it out on me. I wanted to make all his wrongs right for her. Even though I let her initiate the contact, I wanted to lay her down and love her the way she should be loved.

"Juice, I gotta go." I heard her yell to me from the living room. She never stuck around long after our "escapade".

"Just a sec." I stepped into my bedroom and pulled on a pair of sweatpants before I made my way back out into the living room.

She was already re-dressed with car keys in hand when I spotted her heading for the door.

I walked up behind her and opened the door for her.

"Thanks, Juice" Was all she said before placing a soft kiss on my cheek and heading out the door.

(Holli's POV)

Almost two weeks had gone by since my last encounter with Juice. Matt had apologized when I got home, like he always did. I told him if he ever grabbed me like that again it would be the last time he saw me. He explained how he didn't know what came over him, but he just loves me so much he doesn't want to lose me.

I do believe that he loves me, we wouldn't still be together if he didn't. But, I'm not so sure the feeling is mutual anymore. I was starting to develop feelings for Juice. I know it sounds twisted, but I almost smile a bit when Matt and I argue because I have an excuse to go see him. He was so sweet and caring, not to mention sexy as hell. He knew just how to make me want more yet satisfy my needs and desires at the same time. I don't know any other man who would let what we do continue to happen without as much as a word about it.

My cell phone ringing brought me back to reality. I didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?"

"Hol, it's Opie. We need you to come to the clubhouse, got some scripts we need moved and Tara can't help us reach out this time."

"Yea, no problem. I'll be taking my lunch in about 10 minutes so just give me a few and I'll be there, alright?"

"Alright."

I hung up. I didn't mind helping the guys out. The fact that I was Margart Murphy's receptionist helped. I saw paperwork for clinics all across California. I knew Tara helped when she could, but sometimes it was just too risky for her. The doctors at the clinics knew who I was, but other than that no one knew my ties to the club or the hospital.

I finished up some paperwork before leaving the note on my desk that I had gone to lunch and would be back in an hour. I knew a clinic in Lodi that was running low and had sent a letter to St. Thomas. I hadn't reached out to them before, but I knew this would be good for them and the club.

As I approached my bright red C300 Mercedes I spotted him leaning against the drivers side door. I felt my stomach drop, I knew this wasn't going to be good.

"Hey baby." He greeted me with a kiss on the lips.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked while trying to get him to move out of the way.

"Thought I would surprise you and take you to lunch."

"That's very sweet, Matt, but I can't. I have something I have to do."

I didn't want to lie to him, but I was trying my best to avoid telling him where I was going. I knew the road it would take us down if he knew.

"Well I'll go with you. I want to spend some time with you."

Shit. Why was he so insistent on being with her? He never wanted to spend time with her outside of the house. They rarely even went out to dinner, why all the sudden now?

"I don't think that's a good idea. I just have some errands to run and then I have to get back here."

"You're going to help those thugs aren't you?"

She couldn't look at him, she knew it would give it away.

"What the fuck, Holli? I thought we discussed this already."

"I'm not doing this here, Matt. What I do and who I choose to be friends with is my business."

He grabbed my bicep and dug his fingers in as hard as he could. "We'll discuss this later at home." He pushed me back roughly before he walked away.

I had a feeling tonight may be the breaking point.

(Juice's POV)

She waltzed into the clubhouse like she owned the joint. Her black dress pants, heels and flowing pink chiffon sleeveless blouse made her look even more beautiful then she already was. No one would ever assume a girl like her was associated with us.

As soon as she approached Opie I noticed it. There were finger prints dug into her left bicep. Fury filled my body and I could feel my face burning red. I was surprised no one else had noticed it.

She looked over and caught my eye. She could see what I was motioning to and could only shrug her shoulders. I assumed by her look and the bruise forming on her arm I would be seeing her tonight.

"Juice, need you with Holli at the exchange."

I nodded in agreement to Jax.

Jax gave Holli a quick hug and the two parted ways. I headed to the bar to grab the three boxes we needed to bring with us.

I walked next to her as we headed outside to load them into her trunk.

I glanced over at her as she stood watching me load them.

"Please don't say a word to Jax or Opie. I can handle this."

"This is getting a little out of hand, Hol. It's one thing for you guys to argue, but if he's starting to lay his hands on you I don't know how much longer I can keep silent."

"Please, just let me handle this. I'm going to break it off. He can't stand my association with you guys and I'm not about to change that for him." She looked down at her feet and I suddenly realized how hard this must be for her. "Just give me a chance to take care of this."

I just shook my head. She didn't want me, Jax or Opie involved. I understood but it didn't mean that I liked it. If she didn't take care of this, I would make sure I did.

(Holli's POV)

I made sure to stay a little later than usual at work. I was later then I should have been coming back from the exchange and the last thing I needed today was Margret all over my ass.

I made up the extra hour I was gone, climbed in my car and headed home. I knew Matt would be home and frankly I was dreading it. There was no avoiding what was about to happen and I needed to decide how I would handle it.

I replayed Juice's words from earlier in my head. He was right, this was getting out of hand. We had been together for 12 years, I wasted all of my 20's with him. I was 29 years old and my personal life was shit. I vowed to never be with a man who treated me this way and look where I ended up.

I knew what I would have to do, but I had no where to go and no one other then Juice to turn to. I never told a soul about this except him. I was royally fucked.

I wheeled into the driveway and observed Matt's F-150 in his usual parking spot. My heart began to race. I thought it would jump out of my chest if that was at all possible.

As I walked through the front door he was already perched in his couch spot. I tried to ignore the tension that slammed me in the gut the minute I stepped into the room.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to stay a little late for Margret." It wasn't a lie.

"You sure you weren't with the rest of the biker whores over at Teller's place?"

I did everything I could to ignore his remark. I really didn't want to start already, I just walked through the door for Christ's sake.

"What would you like for dinner?" I tried to change the subject.

He got up from his spot and headed in my direction. I noticed a flicker in his eyes I never saw before, but his face looked calm.

SLAP! I felt the stinging on my cheek and tasted a small amount of metallic in my mouth from the blood on my lip.

CRUNCH! Before I was able to guard my face from any more blows I heard my nose crunch. The bastard punched me. I fell to the floor and laid on my side as the tears from the pain and shock started to pour from my eyes.

I tried to protect myself from anymore hits. Just as I moved to roll over I felt a slam to my gut. He kicked me in the stomach before I could curl into a ball.

He leaned down and whispered into my ear "If you ever ditch me for those fuckers again you won't be able to cry next time."

I had to get up and get out of there. I wasn't sure what he would do to me next but the pain was so great I couldn't move yet. I just laid on the carpet praying I would pass out from the pain so I wouldn't feel anything.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for the follows, reviews and favs! Please keep them coming, I love to hear what ou guys think. It helps me continue to write, I love the motovation!

(Holli's POV)

Matt had taken off as I lay on the floor silent. I was afraid to move, I had never seen him this insane and I wasn't sure what else he would do to me.

It was over. I had nothing left for this man. I knew it was over a while ago, but this was the icing on the cake. Grabbing my wrists and arm were one thing, he just beat the shit out of me. I wasn't sure what he would do once he found out I was leaving him, but I wasn't going to stick around to find out.

I knew I should go to the hospital. My nose was probably broken and I should really have my ribs checked out, but I just couldn't show my face there. If any one saw me like this they would make me report it and right now that's the last thing I want to do.

(Juice's POV)

I looked at the clock on the microwave, 8:03. I was getting read to head to the clubhouse for the party. We were celebrating Jax and Tara's engagement. It was going to be one hell of a night, we haven't had a good SAMCRO party in a while. Being in Stockton kind of fucked that up.

I heard the light tapping on the front door. If I was in the other room I probably would have missed it, it was so light. I wasn't sure who it could be, it seemed kind of early for Holli to be knocking.

I tossed on my kutte and headed to the door. As I swung it open I saw her sitting on step with her back to me.

"Early one tonight, eh Hol?" I tried to make light of the situation.

As I saw down next to her I noticed she had her hair down, not in its usual mess on her head, and it was hanging over her face. I lifted my hand to her face and brushed her hair back behind her ear.

"What the fuck?" Was all that came out when I saw her face. It was one big black and blue mess. She had dried blood on the corner of her lip and on the tips of her nostrils. The hand print across her face was a bright, blood red.

She didn't speak, she just sat there and stared blankly at the ground. I noticed a small duffle bag sitting below her feet. I didn't even need to ask her what happened, I already knew the answer.

"C'mon, let's go inside." I was afraid to touch her, I wasn't sure what other parts of her body were battered and bruised.

She stood up, I grabbed the small bag, and she followed me inside. I led her to the couch and sat down next to her. I knew Matt was getting handsy with her, but I never imagined he would have gone this far.

Before I could say anything she spoke up. "He beat me up, Juice. We didn't even argue. He made a comment about me helping the club this afternoon, I tried to change the subject. I didn't want to fight. The next thing I knew he was hovering over me and the blood was running from my nose and my lip."

I reached over and placed my hand on her knee. She wasn't here for our usual encounter, she needed real help this time.

"Did he hurt you anywhere else?"

"He kicked me. I don't know why he went off the deep end. Before you, I was true to him for over a decade. We never used to fight like this. I'm done, Juice. I left him. I didn't know where else to go. I don't have anywhere to stay."

I tried to keep my sigh of relief silent. She needed to get away from him, but I know how guys like this operate. He won't just settle for her leaving.

"You can stay here as long as you want to. But, we need to tell the guys, especially Jax and Opie."

She sobbed, she knew we would have to but that was like signing Matt's death certificate.

"We also should probably get you checked out. You cold have a broken nose or broken ribs…."

She cut me off "I can't go to St. Thomas. Too many people, too many questions. Plus, they'll make me file a police report and I refuse to do that right now."

"Ok. Well then how about Tara, she can check you out at the clubhouse."

"I'm not ready for the guys to see me like this, especially since everyone will be there tonight. They'll wonder why I haven't told them sooner." I could tell she just didn't want to leave the confinement of these four walls.

I moved closer to her and gently wrapped my arm around her shoulders. The anger and hatred that filled my body was indescribable, but I had to make it subside. Holli needed comfort and protection right now.

"Please, Hol, just let Tara check you out. I promise as soon as she is done I will bring you back here." I didn't want to push her, but she really needed to be patched up. "We'll take your car."

I pulled her up by the hand and led her out the door. I knew the only way I was going to get her out was by taking the lead.

(Holli's POV)

We pulled into T-M and my heart began to race. Seeing all the bikes parked in a row made me nervous, nervous because I knew I was going to have a lot of explaining to do, especially to two very pissed off men.

Juice was being so sweet and caring. I felt bad for unloading all of this onto him. He didn't need this drama in his life, the shit storm that I had brought to him that first night I showed up at his house and started all of this.

I watched him make his way around the front of my car. He opened the passenger door and reached for my hand.

He laced his fingers with mine and I felt his warm breath in my ear "It will be ok, I promise." It was like with those words my tense body knew to ease a little. He made me feel safe.

Juice had wanted to call and give Jax a heads up that we were coming and what was going on, but I insisted he didn't. I didn't need them to pounce all over me the second I stepped through the door.

I tried to cover my eyes with my big Ray-Ban Aviators but I knew the second someone laid eyes on me they would notice my bruised and battered face.

I took a deep breath as I followed Juice through the door.

(Juice's POV)

I instructed Holli to head back to Jaxs' old dorm as I tried to find Jax, Opie or Tara. I spotted Tara mingling in the crowd.

I pushed through the crowd of people that had already gathered for tonight's festivities and finally reached her.

"Hey. I need you for second, can you come with me?"

She furrowed her eyebrows and gave me a questioning look, but followed without asking any questions. I knew if Jax noticed she was missing he would come looking for her and I wouldn't have to search him out.

Tara followed me into the room. "What's going on?" She noticed Holli sitting on the bed with her head in her hands. I started to talk when Holli uncovered her face and took her sunglasses off.

(Holli's POV)

"Oh my god!" I heard Tara gasp as her hand flew to cover her gaping mouth.

She approached where I was sitting on the bed gently, almost as if she thought I would break just by getting close to me.

"What happened, Holli?" She took a seat next to me, examining my face closely.

"Matt." That was all I needed to say for her to know exactly what I meant. I knew I wouldn't need to go into detail. Tara had her own experience with an abusive boyfriend in Chicago before she came back to Charming, although it wasn't nearly as violent as mine had become.

I hadn't noticed Juice had left until I heard the door open again and saw Jax and Opie follow him in.

"Jesus Christ" they both said in unison.

Juice spoke up "I tried to take her to the hospital but she refused, so I told her you had to check her out, Tara."

She just nodded at him before looking back at me. "I need to know where he hit you and if you have any pain or discomfort."

I could see the rage in Jax's eyes and I knew that if Matt wasn't out of Charming by now, he would be removed involuntarily.

I looked back at Tara. "Just a slap on the cheek, he did punch me and I heard my nose crack but I'm not sure if it's broken. He kicked me in the ribs, they are pretty sore."

"I have to go grab the first aid kit since my med kit is at home. I think we'll just tape you up, but I won't know for sure if you have any broken ribs unless you have x-rays done." Tara was trying to convince me to go to St. Thomas in her own subtle way. I wasn't having any of it.

"I just need to rest, I'm sure I'll be fine by tomorrow." She just nodded in agreement and headed out the door.

"How long has this been going on? He didn't just hit you tonight out of the blue, Hol." Jax sat next to me as Opie moved in front of me. Juice just faded into the background. No one knew about us and so far hadn't even questioned why he was the one bringing me here.

"He hates that I'm still friends with you. He started getting handsy with me a few weeks ago, just grabbing my arm and wrists and shit. I never thought it would turn into this. I never said anything because there was nothing to tell. I can handle myself." Even though I went running to Juice after every argument for comfort I didn't need Jax Teller fighting my battles for me.

"Obviously you can't. This shit shouldn't happen. Did anyone know this was going on?" I debated on telling him the truth but I just couldn't, not right now.

"No." I saw Juice look at me and I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"I'm going to kill that piece of shit."

(Juice's POV)

The second the words left her lips "No" I felt a twinge of disappointment. Was she embarrassed of me? Of what we did?

I wasn't sure I could be her little secret anymore, but right now wasn't the time or the place to question her about it.

"You'll stay at our house." Jax's words shook me from my thoughts.

"No, that's the first place he'll assume I am. I took some of my things but I know he'll come looking for me when I don't come home." Holli was right, guys like this just didn't give up. Especially if he thought he would lose her for good to the club.

"She can stay with me." I spoke up. The plan was for her to already stay at my house, but now I really wanted to talk to her about all this and that would be the only way the guys would leave her alone.

Jax turned to me "Are you sure?"

I just shook my head in agreement. 


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for all the reads, reviews, favs and follows. Please let me know what you think after this chapter. To be honest I'm losing steam on both this and right here waiting so if you like them and want me to continue please let me know! Only 8 more months until Season 7. Bittersweet, not sure I'm ready for it to end :(

(Holli's POV)

The ride back to Juice's house was silent. I knew he was thinking about something, I could tell by his facial expressions. He was lost in his thoughts.

Tara gave me the run down on what I needed to do and what I couldn't do. She tried desperately to get me to go to St. Thomas but she knew how stubborn I was and I wasn't going to budge. I didn't want to make this any bigger of a deal then it already had turned into. She also gave me some Percocets that just happened to be lying around in the clubhouse. I wasn't in that much pain anymore, but popped one just to be comfortable, knowing I would most likely feel all of it in the morning.

Jax and Opie assured me they wouldn't kill Matt. I only half believed them. I made them promise they wouldn't go looking for him until I was able to get the rest of my things. I didn't need any of that shit while I was just trying to get away. Jax agreed, but made me promise to take him with me when I went to get my stuff. I didn't need the drama I knew it would create, but I wasn't sure what Matt was capable of anymore so I reluctantly took Jax's deal.

I was kind of afraid of what they would do to him. I witnessed the things they did to people, even if they deserved it. Matt was a good guy, we had a lot of great memories and had a lot of fun. It just seemed the past couple years had gone to shit and he always chalked it up to my association with the club and refusal to stop being involved with them. I didn't buy it though, I knew he hated Jax with a passion, but there had to be something else going on for him to go off the deep end the way he did. The signs were all there, but honestly, I didn't care enough to figure out what it was. I had lost myself in Juice and that scared the shit out of me.

My phone vibrated violently in my hand and caused me to jump. Juice looked at me with a concerned glare. I glanced at the screen and then back at him, "its Matt."

This was like the millionth time he had called. I ignored them all but knew he wouldn't give up. I pressed the decline button and proceeded to shut my phone off. I didn't need to hear any excuses or sorry voicemails from him.

Juice pulled my car into his driveway behind his bike. Without a word he climbed out and came around to help me out. I swear they all thought I was a china doll that would shatter at the drop of a hat.

I walked alongside him to the front door and stepped inside before he did. My bag was still in the same place. It felt awkward to me, I had never stayed more then a few hours here and now I would be calling this my "home" for at least a few days.

Sure, we had sex many times, but now it was different and the awkwardness was apparent to Juice too. "You can stay in my room, I'll sleep in the guest room. I'll put your bag in there for you."

"I'm not going to take your room, Juice." I hesistated with my next question, this was foreign to me, having to ask someone to sleep with me. "I was actually hoping you would stay with me tonight? I don't want to be alone." I knew the storm that was brewing outside the house and I just wanted one night of comfort and peace.

He nodded and followed me to the bedroom with my bag.

(Juice's POV)

I barely slept. I couldn't, I finally had her in my house, and in bed, for more then just sex. I held her the entire night. It just felt right, but the realities of the circumstances were kneading at my subconscious.

I wasn't sure when it happened. At first it was just a friend helping another friend through some rough patches. But the more she came to me and the more I learned about her, the more I knew she was not supposed to be with Matt, which was for damn sure. It seemed to hit me all at once one night a few months ago. I knew something was happening when I didn't want her to leave after our nightly rendezvous. I also knew I was in for it when I became uninterested in the fun and meaningless fuck from Christie, my usual sweet butt choice.

I knew this was not the time to talk about my feelings for her though. She needed me as a friend, but I couldn't shake the fact that she told Jax no one knew what was going on.

I felt her body shift next to me and my focus went back to her. She was beautiful, even with all the bumps and bruises. Her long, dark auburn hair and olive colored skin made me melt with just one look. I'm not this guy, this "mushy" guy who falls in love, but she made it hard not to be. She was everything a member could want in an old lady, most importantly she understood club life.

"Stop thinking so hard, I can smell smoke." I looked over and she still had her eyes closed. She finally managed to roll over and face me before opening her eyes. They were still as bright blue as ever. "What's wrong, Juice? You've been quiet since we left the clubhouse last night."

I didn't want to bring it up, not here. I wanted to enjoy this moment because I knew it would be hell once our feet hit the carpet.

"Nothing, I'm just tired."

"I call bullshit." I knew she wasn't going to let it go.

"Just not sure why you didn't tell Jax that I knew about Matt."

She sighed and I knew I had pushed a button. "I just wasn't ready to get into that, Juice. I will tell him, once we figure out whatever this is that's going on between us, but right now I just don't need all the bullshit from him and Op."

She was right, I wasn't sure how my brothers would feel about me fucking one of their best friends for almost a year without them knowing. I also wasn't sure how they would feel about her running to me for help and not going to one of them. They were like the big brothers she didn't have.

I thought about her words. "Whatever this is" I wasn't even sure what was going on between us. I know how I feel, but all I know for sure is she comes over, we have sex and she goes home and I KNEW that wouldn't go over well with the guys.

She cut me off before I could answer her when her lips pressed firmly against mine. She wrapped her slender fingers around my wrists and guided my arms around her waist as she deepened the kiss. Her tongue traced the outline of my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I signaled permission by parting my lips just enough so she could slide her tongue in between them.

(Holli's POV)

I ran my hands over his muscular frame, tracing the outline of his firm abs. I wanted this, no I needed this release. I moved to straddle him when I stopped dead in my tracks. I felt pain radiating from my rib cage to the top of my head.

Juice could sense what was wrong. "I think you need to just take it easy, Hol. I don't need you hurting yourself anymore than you already are."

He was right, I didn't need to be in any more pain. I was going to be here for at least a few days anyway, I didn't need to rush it. I just wanted him so bad.

I nodded and laid my head back down on the pillow. Juice hopped out of bed and made his way to the kitchen to get my pain pills. My mind drifted to the last year. I thought about my relationship with Matt. It had been over for a long time, long before I started coming to Juice with my problems. We had grown into two different people, we weren't in high school anymore.

Matt had a stable job at the mill, but he never wanted to do anything. He never wanted to hang out with anyone, he just wanted to sit on the couch and drink. I didn't stay in touch with many people, I really was only close with Jax and Op. Along with that came Tara and Donna but since Donna died I didn't really have any close girlfriends. Tara and I were becoming closer, especially since her and Jax were so serious, but since dating Matt I had really secluded myself from others.

Juice was the one person I knew that first night I left Matt that wouldn't ask any questions. We hadn't been that close before that, had a few conversations here and there, but there was something about him that drew me to him. The first few times we fucked I thought it was just me taking my anger and frustration out on him and I ALWAYS felt better afterwards. A few months ago it became harder to leave and have to go back home to Matt. I was sure Juice was fucking other women, and he had no reason not to, but something about knowing we were nothing but secrets in each others lives really got to me.

Juice handed me my Percocet and some water, stirring me from the mess rattling around in my brain. I had too much shit going on with Matt to think about what was going on between Juice and I. Right now all I knew was the sex was something I knew I couldn't be without.

-BREAK-

I struggled through my shower, I had no idea I would be in so much pain. I needed help washing my hair but I refused to ask Juice. I didn't need to rely on him anymore than I already had.

I dried my hair and pulled it back into a sweeping ponytail, I made sure to put some cover up over the bruises adorning my face. I threw on a pair of bootcut jeans, a plain white v-neck t-shirt and my boots. I made my way to the living room and wasn't surprised to see Jax there waiting for me.

"Ready?" He questioned with a glance.

I wasn't ready. I knew Matt would be home and I wasn't ready to face that demon yet. The only strength I could find was in knowing Jax would be with me.

I simply nodded and snatched my sunglasses off the coffee table.

"Juice, need you too. I don't know how this is going to go down."


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you you to those who read and reviewed. I appreciate that you are still enjoying this story! I will be continuing both stories, just may be slowly. :)

(Juice's POV)

Holli navigated the streets of Charming from my house to hers with Jax and I in tow. I was surprised Jax had me come along, I thought Opie would've came, but Jax informed me Op was off with Bobby and Tig handling some Mayan shit.

She pulled up to a modest grey ranch and turned in the driveway. I followed Jax's lead and wheeled in behind her. I had to admit I was a little nervous, I had never seen Matt before and now I was about to come face to face with him, the man who beat the shit out of Holli. The man whose girlfriend I'd been bedding for almost a year.

I watched Holli climb out of her car, I noticed her face twinge and could tell she was still in some pain. It made my blood boil. I wanted nothing more then to murder this prick.

Jax approached her and I held back. I didn't want to seem overzealous. As much as I wanted to be the one to fight this battle for her I knew I couldn't, not with Jax here.

I followed the two of them up the front steps and readied myself for what was on the other side of that door.

(Holli's POV)

I couldn't believe I was back here less then 24 hours after being assaulted in my own living room. Jax and Juice followed me up the stairs. I knew Matt was home, his truck was in the driveway. My heart felt like it was going to explode I was so nervous.

I turned the door knob and looked back at Jax before heading in. He gave me a nod and a reassuring half smile. I knew this wasn't going to be good.

We walked through the small foyer on the other side of the door and I spotted him, perched in his usual spot, beer already in hand. No, there's definitely no way this could end well.

He paused the DVR and turned around, looking me straight in the eye and not even acknowledging anyone else in the room.

"Holli.." that was all he could get out before I stopped him. My entourage gave me some false courage that I decided to use.

"I don't want to hear it, Matt. I just came to get my stuff. I'll figure out the house situation later."

I headed towards the hallway when he jumped off the couch and lurched in my direction. Before he could even get near me Jax stepped in front of me and Juice pressed a hand against Matt's chest to stop him.

"So this is the guy you've been fucking? The one you've been running to every time you run off?" He eyed Juice, grabbing his hand and tossing it off of his chest.

My heart started to race and my palms started to sweat. How would he know where I went or even recognize Juice? He had no idea who Juice even was.

By the confused expression on my face he elaborated "I followed you a few months ago, whore. I spotted him answering the door you were waiting in front of. I know you've been running to him every chance you get."

Jax looked between Matt, Juice and I with furrowed brows and utter confusion "What is he talking about, Holli?"

"Yea, Holli. Teller doesn't know you're fucking one of his brothers? Why don't you clear that up, for all of us." Matt stopped fighting against Juice and waited for my reply.

I looked to Juice who looked just as panicky as I felt. This shit wasn't supposed to happen. Matt shouldn't have known and this was NOT how I wanted Jax to find out.

"He's just a friend. I went there because I needed someone to talk to." I glanced at Jax, a look of betrayal flashed in his eyes. "I needed someone who wouldn't automatically want to come fight my battles for me. I just needed someone to listen."

Matt jumped in before Jax could say anything "You weren't just talking, sweetheart. I know sex when I smell it and every time you came home to me you smelled like it. You deserved everything I did to you last night. You're just lucky I didn't kill you for fucking around on me. If I cared about you enough I probably would have but if this scum bag wants my sloppy seconds then go ahead."

Before I could react Jax lunged at Matt, his fist colliding with his jaw laying him out on the floor. Jax turned and gave me a look that I knew meant this discussion wasn't over.

I hurried to the bedroom alone and gathered some more of my things. I tossed some clothes in a bag along with my blow dryer, curling iron, the rest of my make-up and my pillow. My toiletries went in a separate bag. I was rushing, I had no idea what Jax would say to me or Juice when we left but I just knew I needed to get out of this house.

(Juice's POV)

I was fucked. Royally fucked. It was one thing for Holli not to tell Jax what had been going on between us, but for me as his brother and him as my V.P. I knew I was in a shit load of trouble. On the other hand, I was a kind of relieved it was out in the open. I wasn't sure Holli felt the same way though.

We followed her back to my house. She was dropping her stuff off and I knew the minute we stepped inside Jax would want the entire story about us. How could I explain to him that Holli had been coming to my house for almost a year and I hadn't told him. Even worse, how could I explain to him that I knew about the beginning of the hitting and grabbing and did nothing about it. I think that's the part he will be the angriest with me over. I sat there and said nothing when he asked if any one knew about it.

I had no idea how this was going to go down, I just knew it was about to go down right now.

Just as she set her stuff down Jax opened his mouth. "Wanna tell me what the hell Matt was talking about back there, Hol?"

I saw her look down at her feet. She wasn't ready to do this, but it wasn't a choice anymore and I was no longer going to be her dirty little secret.

"It started almost a year ago…" she made her way to the couch and sat down, motioning for Jax to sit next to her. He reluctantly followed while I stood cemented in my spot. She needed to explain this to Jax without me jumping in, yet. "Matt and I were arguing a lot. He wasn't hitting me or anything back then, just fighting with me. I don't know why, he always blamed it on my association with you but I think there's more to it. Anyways, I left and drove around. I didn't know where to go. You guys had just gotten out of Stockton and I didn't want you to do anything stupid. I just wanted someone to talk to, clear my head and I knew running to you or Op would make the situation worse. I showed up on Juice's doorstep. He just listened, Jax. I needed a shoulder to cry on and he wasn't judgmental, he just listened to me."

Jax just stared at her and I knew he was waiting for her to continue. "So why was Matt saying you were fucking Juice? Did you take advantage of her?" He turned and looked at me with anger in his eyes.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was like watching someone take a bullet for me. "No, he didn't take advantage of me, I initiated the sex. I wanted to feel wanted again…"

I interrupted her "Holli, you don't have to explain why." Jax flashed me a dirty look but I didn't care, she didn't need to expose herself like this, not after everything else she had gone through in the past day.

"No, it's ok Juice. I think you need to hear this too." She looked back at Jax "He made me feel safe, Jax. Like I was the only thing in the world that mattered at that moment. At first it was just sex, something to channel my hurt and anger through, but I kept coming back. It became something more then sex, I felt something for him but I just couldn't leave Matt. I was actually afraid he would do something like this is I did try to leave him."

It felt as if the world had been lifted off my shoulders. She had feelings for me, that was all I needed to hear.

Jax looked down at his hands, trying to process what he just heard. "So, that's why you volunteered for her to stay here? You two have kept this secret from everyone? Why didn't you tell me that Matt was hitting her if you knew?" The fury evident in his voice now.

"I'm sorry, man. I told her she needed to tell you but she told me to trust her, to let her handle it. I didn't want to overstep my bounds here."

"But you should have came to me, especially if you knew she was in trouble."

He was right, I didn't have an answer for that one. I could only nod.

(Holli's POV)

I felt like I had just stepped in front of a train. I was railroaded by Matt and Jax in the same day. I wasn't even sure how Juice felt about me or this entire situation but I had just laid it all out there.

Jax was angry, but most of all I think he was hurt. He was my protector, my big brother. He was the one guy who could fix everything for me when I needed him. He was there for me when my parents divorced, when I dropped out of college and just when I needed a friend. The look of betrayal and hurt in his eyes was something I didn't know if I could forgive myself for.

I knew I needed to say something, I needed to make this better. "Jax, he isn't replacing you. I just didn't want you to do something you'd regret. I needed to figure out how to handle this on my own. You have a family and now you're marrying Tara, you don't need my problems following you around everywhere."

He grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes. I felt like a child. "If I didn't want to be there for you, to protect you and help you, then I wouldn't. You're like my sister, Holli and I would do anything to keep you safe just like I would for the rest of my family. I wish you would have come to me about this, maybe I could have saved you from what happened last night." I caught the snarkiness in his last comment and knew that was directed towards Juice.

I just agreed with him, there was no sense in arguing my point. He was stubborn and I could argue that I needed to handle it until I was blue in the face, but it wouldn't matter.

"I gotta head back to T-M. You ok here?" I shook my head and gave him a soft smile. I knew he needed time to get over my betrayal but I knew we would be ok.

He turned to Juice, the anger still apparent in his tone and on his face "Head back once you finish up here. We got church in a couple hours." Jax headed out of the house.

I looked at Juice, I knew my talking for the day wasn't over yet.

"Juice, look. I didn't mean to spill everything to Jax and you at the same time. I just wanted him to know that it wasn't just sex. That you didn't take advantage of me."

He cut me off with his lips on mine. I pulled him down to my spot on the couch. His hands were tangling in my ponytail as I gripped his kutte and knotted my hands in the leather.

He paused and looked at me "It's not just sex for me either, Holli."

Before I could process his words his lips came crashing back onto mine, this time with more urgency. He stood up, lifting me up with him and made his way to the bedroom. We would actually make it there this time.


	6. Chapter 6

(Holli's POV)

His strong, calloused hands worked my body over. They made their way down from unhooking my bra, looping themselves in my turquoise lace panties and ridding them faster then I could blink.

I leaned up from my position on my back with him hovering over me and reached for his dark gray t-shirt. I tugged at the hem and he obliged my request, lifting his hands above his head and tossing the t-shirt to the carpet. I ran my fingers up his burly arms, stopping to outline each spot where black ink adorned his body.

This time felt different. Not only had we made it to the bed, but I had nothing to worry about. Matt was no longer in the picture, Jax finally knew what was going on between Juice and I and I wasn't running from anything. Everything was out in the open and I could finally enjoy what was happening.

I was ready, more then ready, and didn't want to prolong this any more. After everything that had happened I needed Juice. I needed to feel him inside me.

(Juice's POV)

I could tell by the lust in her hooded eyes that she was ready for me. I know she had to still be in pain, shit it had only been less then 24 hours since it happened. I knew to be careful with her.

I reached in between her legs and could feel the moist heat radiating from her most sensitive area. I slowly entered my middle finger, I wanted her to be really ready for this. I wanted to take my time and show her how good this could be.

I heard a soft moan escape her lips, it made me smile. I loved to make her feel good and know that those sounds were for me and me only. I slid another finger inside her and felt her body wrap around them. I couldn't help myself, I knew I had to taste her.

I leaned down and softly touched my tongue to her clit, encircling it slow and tantalizingly. Her hands found their way to my head and I could feel her running her fingers along my mohawk. I glanced up at her, her eyes were shut tight and she was biting her bottom lip trying to keep the sounds inside. I knew I was killing her and I was loving every second of it.

I ran my tongue up her sweet slit before I plunged both fingers back inside of her. Her hips bucked underneath me and I knew I had hit the spot. "Shit, Juice!" She cried out my name and it was music to my ears hearing it roll off her lips.

I felt her hands tug at my shoulders and could barely register what she was saying. "Juice. Please. Need you."

(Holli's POV)

I needed to feel him filling me, and I needed that now! This was usually a wham, bam, thank you Juice kind of thing but not this time. I had never felt a mouth so magical before. His tongue felt like it was doing tricks, but now I wanted the magician.

I felt like I was paralyzed, I could barely utter out that I wanted him but he caught my drift. He moved up, his eyes locking with mine and I felt a jolt spark from my heart and travel throughout my entire body. I wasn't sure what it was but all that kept floating through my mind was the word love. It was too soon, I couldn't be in love with Juice. Sure, I knew a lot about him from all those nights we used to just talk, but could I really love him? I knew I cared about him but was I even ready to love someone again?

My boggling thoughts were shaken when I felt him enter me. He pushed in slow at first, inching in at an agonizingly slow pace. I knew he was babying me, he was afraid he was going to hurt me. I could tell by the way he refused to put any weight on me at all. I figured it would probably be painful, but at this point I didn't care.

I reached up and grabbed a fistful of firm, tan ass in both hands and yanked him closer to me.

"I don't want to hurt you, Holli." He paused and looked down at me.

"I'm fine, Juice. Just please…" My words stopped short as I felt him pick up the pace. He moved in and out, pulling almost completely out before sliding back in, faster each time.

I could feel my release building already. I knew I wasn't going to last much longer, it felt too good not to just let go. I felt him lean down and suck my pert right nipple in between his teeth. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Oh God." I arched my back as his gaze locked mine and I felt it growing even more intense. "Juice!"

It wasn't but a few seconds later I felt him stiffen as he lowered himself onto me and released a low growl into my ear, whispering my name "Shit, Holli."

We lay that way for a few seconds until I felt him stir and begin to roll off me. He wrapped his arm around me and I felt my eyes growing heavy.

(Juice's POV)

I heard the ringing of my burner from inside the pocket of my kutte. It was lying on the nightstand next to where Holli and I dozed off in bed. Before I could reach it I noticed the time on the clock.

"Fuck!" I jumped up and tried my best not to tip over as I pulled my clothes on all at once. The phone rang again and this time I was able to answer it.

"Yeah."

"Where the hell are ya, lad? We got church brotha." Chibs so kindly reminded me.

"I'll be there in 5." I flipped it shut and pulled on my boots. Jax was already pissed at me, I didn't need to be lower on his shit list then I already am.

She looked so beautiful lying in bed, my bed, naked. She was still asleep, which after my outburst I'm not sure how. I hated to leave her, but the thought of coming back to her here made it a little easier.

I placed a soft kiss on her forehead and headed out the door. I needed to haul ass if I was going to make it before Clay slammed that gavel.

(Holli's POV)

After I woke up I decided to clean myself and the house up some. I was still sore as hell and I knew I would be for some time. Tara warned me about that with rib injuries, but it still was annoying as hell.

I knew Juice would be a while. He had church and then I was sure he would have some work to do. I wasn't used to this, being here during the day or being in his house alone. It was a very strange feeling to be here for longer then a few hours, let alone be sleeping here until I figured out where I was going to go.

I owned half that house and I would be damned if I let Matt live there without buying me out of it or moving out completely. I didn't know how I would approach that situation. I guess I need to get a lawyer. Shit, they always complicated things. Why did my life always have to go this way?

KNOCK, KNOCK!

The pounding on the door startled me. I wasn't expecting anyone and frankly not too many people knew I was even here.

I checked the peep hole and let out the breath I didn't realize I had been holding.

"Hi Tara. C'mon in." I stepped aside to let her through the door.

"Hey Hol. I just wanted to check on you and see how you were feeling. Getting around ok?"

I motioned for her to take a seat on the couch as I sat down on the opposite side.

"Sore as shit, but I'm ok."

She chuckled "I told you about rib injuries. You're not overdoing it, right?"

I couldn't tell her that Juice and I just had an afternoon escapade, something I'm sure she would not approve of on a few levels.

"Nope, taking it easy, just trying to clean up around here. I feel like I'm imposing so the least I can do is earn my keep around here, at least for a few days."

She nodded in agreement, jokingly.

"I'll make sure Margret knows that you won't be in on Monday, I think you should take a week off to heal some. That way the risk of re-injuring yourself will decrease by the time you go back."

I wasn't sure I would be able to sit around for a week with nothing to do. I hated to sit still.

"I just sit at my desk, I'm sure I will be fine."

She shook her head in disagreement. "Doesn't matter, doctor's orders."

I knew I had been defeated. Tara and Margret had a strange relationship, they went from hating each other and Tara knocking the bitch out to being somewhat friends. I knew that whatever Tara "recommended" to Margret she would for sure listen to her. It wasn't worth wasting my breath in argument. I could only nod.

"Well, I have to go relieve Neeta. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. You know, you're welcome to stay with Jax and I. I don't know how Juice is as a roommate, but living in a bachelor pad can't be all that exciting for you."

Oh she had no idea how exciting it was so far.

"Thanks. I don't want to impose. I'm sure you have enough going on in that house without me lurking around."

I knew Jax would fill her in on the events of the day, I didn't need to beat him to the punch.

"Alright. Well, I'll see you later then."

"Bye." I waved as she made her way down the front step and to her car.

I looked around, this was my temporary home but it was going to take a little to get used to. I still couldn't fathom that I was living in Juice's house, with Juice. I wasn't so sure what I wanted out of all this. I had feelings for him, that I was sure of. It hadn't been just a late night rendezvous for a while and I know he told me it wasn't just sex for him either. But I needed to figure out what he wanted out of this and more importantly what I wanted out of this.

"All I know for sure is I need a drink!" I mumbled as I headed to the fridge for a beer.

(Juice's POV)

I had never been so excited to go home before. Usually going home meant a night filled with Call of Duty and beer before crashing on the couch, or waiting for that knock on the door from Holli. But now, she was already there.

I knew it had to mean something for me to feel like this. I've never been the type to settle down, I didn't want all the bullshit and drama that comes along with an old lady. I've watched too many brothers deal with it and I just liked being able to come and go as I please. But with Holli it was a different picture. I wanted to see her, spend my free time with her. I was looking forward to going home to her. That had to mean something, right?

"Hey Juice." I could identify that voice anywhere.

"Hi, Christie." She was looking rough these days, a lot worse then I could remember. But I wasn't really focusing on her face when I needed her.

"I haven't seen you around lately. I miss you." She inched closer, running her hands up my arms and coming to a rest on the collar of my kutte.

"I've been around." I couldn't find it in myself to be mean to her, but I was starting to think that was the only way she would get through to her dense skull that I didn't want her around.

I tried to answer her but the sound of the door opening got my attention. I noticed Holli's slim figure stepping through it. Before I could get away I felt lips on my neck, pulling my face towards her and planting her bright red lips on mine.


End file.
